Orlando Scandrick Jersey The Love Languages... It's All Greek To Me! | www.LdsCoaching.com
  The Love Languages... It's All Greek To Me!
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The Love Languages... It's All Greek To Me!

Posted by Dr. Gourgouris on Tue, 05/13/2008 - 20:36

Given that I am Greek and speak it fluently should automatically make me an expert right? But it wasn’t always so…The mystery of “love” and its accompanied language(s) has mystified a myriad of couples. According to best-selling author Dr. Gary Chapman these are the 5 languages of love: Quality Time, Physical Touch, Gifts, Acts of Service and Words of Appreciation.
 
Unfortunately for my wife and I, we got married before this book came out. Well wouldn’t you know it, in the first six months (still considered newlyweds) we both felt like we were working soooo hard on our marriage. However, we both also felt like we weren’t getting our needs met. How was that possible? So much love, hope and optimism about our eternal union, and yet not fully connecting. At the time it was puzzling to both of us…
 
Fortunately, we were able to set aside our hurt feelings and sit down and very openly and honestly discuss our differences. Perhaps being a man, or Greek, but most likely because of the family that I grew up in, Physical Touch was my love language. Let me clarify, that physical touch is not the same as sexual touch. It’s more like holding hands, hugs and kisses, back and feet rubs.
 
Well, I grew up in a home were my dad adored my mom and use to chase her around the house and hugged and kissed her a lot. When you’re a kid it’s kind of cute, but by the time I became a teenager it was “awful” to see my parents like that. So many times I felt like saying, “Please, get a room or something, I don’t want to see that!!!” But they were in love and that’s how they expressed it. So call it conditioning, modeling or just hard-wiring that’s my love language. So guess what, for the first six months of our marriage, I’m hugging and kissing my wife to death.
 
Unfortunately, that was not her love language. Rather, Words of Appreciation made her feel the most loved. So as you might guess by now, that was her primary expression. I had NEVER been thanked so many times about EVERYTHING I did. It actually was starting to annoy me (half-kidding). We were both doing what we had hoped the other person would give back in return. Only, until we discussed it and figure it out, it wasn’t working. I remember saying to her, “How could you not know how much I love you?”  “I hug and kiss you all the time! I fill your love account daily” Her response startled me when she said, “Well, you’re putting your deposits into the wrong account.” Of course she said the same thing too…I tell you thank you all the time. Doesn’t that prove how much I love you?” You can guess my answer: “Wrong account.”
 
So the solution to this very important issue in a marriage is to discover your own love language and then ask your spouse to do the same. Once this discovery takes place, that’s when the hard part comes in . You need to make a decision to love your spouse the way they need to feel loved, not what comes easy or natural to you. It’s in the getting outside of our comfort zone and “stretching” that true love and service can be found.
 
The change to our marriage took place the very next night when she cooked  a delicious dinner. I expressed words of appreciation by saying thank you and complimented her on her cooking. The results were almost magical: she started hugging and kissing me and I’ve been saying thank you ever since!

Elia Gourgouris Ph.D.
www.LDSCoaching.com
303-523-6396

Dr. Elia Gourgouris is a nationally known speaker, relationship coach, and the president of LDSCoaching.com. With over 20 years of experience, he has inspired thousands of individuals and couples to find greater happiness and fulfillment, both in their careers and their personal lives. He holds a degree from UCLA and a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Gourgouris speaks to groups around the country regarding women's issues, self esteem, communications skills, and relationships. He is also a favorite presenter at both BYU and BYU-ID Education Weeks, and Time Out for Women conferences. He is the author of "DTR: What You Need to Know Before You Get Married" and he has an upcoming CD entitled "The Multi-Platinum Marriage: Going from Just Surviving to Thriving!" He and his wife, Sona, live near Boulder, Colorado, with their children.